Do we teach others how they should regard us?

My friend believes we do. She told me recently that I was equally responsible for how I am regarded by my husband as he is for how he regards me. She would agree with this quote:

“Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will.” - J.C.F. von Schiller

Now, I am obviously not saying this is true in abusive situations. I would never say to a victim that they have allowed themselves to be victimized. I am attempting to fit this possible truth into a much less dangerous or destructive example. What I am saying is, I believe I have made my own world small by not insisting it be greater. My last post was the beginning of expressing that belief.

And now, here I am. Itching to rediscover old dreams. Longing to know myself again. What has happened in nearly 2 months? Sigh... if only I could share it all with you. I will say that there are parts of me that have been reawakened in ways that inspire all kinds of exciting emotional turmoil. Elation. Fear of rejection. Comfort... followed swiftly by irrational, aching need. Pendulum of emotions. And every time I want off this ride I ask the keeper to flip the lever once more and there I go, swung from one extreme to the other. This level of experience, this odd state that I find myself in is not sustainable. Not healthy. Not wise. And has built the walls that existed between me and my husband even higher. For that reason alone I need to get off this ride so I can focus on whether or not the walls can be torn down. But I fear the alternative is unbearable for me anymore. I cannot go back to neutral. I need motion, but it needs to be in the right direction and with the right company.

I hope to someday explain myself further. For now, I continue to ask for your prayers.